Ep 15: F**k Three Fugitives!

Hello this is Sean and welcome to fuck your opinion a movie review podcast. Before we get started, please make sure to like follow subscribe, write a review of this podcast wherever you are listening right now and please be sure to follow us on Facebook, Twitter or Instagram all those are linked in the description. Enjoy the episode. Cool, so yummy. How you feel? And how is your Let me tell you the past couple days in my arms have been killing me listeners I'm sure at this point you would have seen that I did a whole two week delay between episodes seven and eight. It is because I've been having some arm issues for the past year or so. And they really caught up to me in the last week or so. And it's just been super painful. But Jani Jani, how are you doing healthy as a horse, I assume? How am I doing? Shawn? Let me tell you, my right hip has been killing me to the point where sometimes I wake up in the middle of night, unable to sleep just because of the mere pain. On top of that a couple of days ago I did something to my shoulder blade, not entirely sure what it was, but that one's been driving me crazy too. And on top of that a little bit further down the line, you've got my right hand, which for some reason is so sore that I can't even do a plank or a push up on it. I have to borrow my right hand into a fist if I'd if I'd like to support my weight on it. Otherwise, I'll just crumble. But hey, the flomax has been working Oh good. No complaints about the flow max. I still have to wake up in the middle of the night, but it doesn't sting as much. I'm kind of in a similar boat. I've been doing a lot of physical therapy on my own. I have a friend kind of like a What do you call it? lover? No. I have a catamite now it's like the person that you kind of fuck. Now, like a guilt trip person, essentially reminding you or being like, yo, you got to make sure you do this your shit. Who who have their own volition does that for you? Or not? You? Obviously No, I wouldn't. I wouldn't. I'm sorry. We're never we are never going to be that good of friends. Thanks. I'm not going to remind you to do that. I apologize. No, between that and and you have to get your prostate removed. You don't understand the issue renew removing the prostate wouldn't solve anything. It would prevent you from reproducing. And I'm all for that. I guess there's that. Well, old man Jani you with all your issues. By the way listeners I want you to know. Even though you haven't actually seen either of us in person. Jani is actually 50 years old. He's He's that weirdo that kind of just hangs out what the young kids you know, kind of creepy. Well, now that the cats out of the bag, I can finally start hitching my voice up and start talking to her my regular boys. I'll please never do that again. Oh, I'm going to do the rest of the podcast with this horse. JOHN, can I last two minutes? Oh, you don't think I can? I did a bill clinton impression for a solid two hours once well, buddy, you know, I went to the hospital today to get my arms checked out. I had a huh Don't interrupt me a doctor instructed I get an X ray. And it was really weird because the radiologists kind of had a move me around. And there was a little bit of physical touching to you, you know, like a sculptor kind of putting me in the correct position, as you know, and I just thought to myself, I haven't had human contact and months, man, that's not where I saw that story going. It just struck me as weird because you know, we're in a pandemic and I try my best to avoid everyone that's still going on listeners Yeah, yeah, they're let us know. By the time this debuts is the Coronavirus still with egg. Do we remember that? Cuz we're recording this several weeks out. Right. Wait, what's it? What's the date? Jani? It's Sunday. I know that. Let's see. Last week was the 10th. Is it the 17th 17th or 18th 1919? moron? Okay. Yeah. So it's Sunday, July 19. So listeners, did we did we hit the peak of the first wave yet? Or are we still climbing up? I don't know. I was listening to an earlier episode, obviously, that we were recorded as things are actually starting to ramp up. I went, Oh my God, we had no fucking idea. Or at least you had no idea. I call that this is going to be a disaster and you're like, oh, man, it's not going to be a big deal at all, like comparing us to Italy. I called it I said, Yeah, we're fucked. And you know what? Yeah, Corona. All right. Well, I don't want to talk about that anymore. So let's get to that. You're getting tired of talking about Corona. That wasn't even a funny transition. I was better at it. Mine was better. Let's do this. And I didn't register that you'd said let's do this. I until I was alright. I'm always saying let's do this now like Sylvester Stallone. Let's do this. Bam, bam, bam prayer prayer, prayer, prayer prayer preference. Let's do this. That's not a slide but you know, I'll try to sound in 10 why and I can't do this why I can't do it slide Hello, hello. Shut the fuck up. Hello, just one Hello and welcome to fuck your opinion. A movie review podcast where my co hosts Jani and I I want to hear anything else you want to say? Nope. Jani tell us a fun fact about yourself anything anything? So one of my front teeth is actually a dental implant from when my dog lunged at me as a child and knocked out my you know, I always forget it's not my canine that would have been too funny for it to be true. So think about this story is funny about go on. He knocked out one of my front teeth and I didn't actually get an implant for it for like a year or two after and it was really embarrassing. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Oh my god. That's so funny. You're such a funny guy. Oh my god. I don't understand. I was just telling you a true fact about myself. You that's what you wanted to hear. I wasn't there was nothing made up about central All right, you're such a bag of dicks. You know that at a lot of dope is the center that I don't want my mom to hear that. I don't want to know I want I don't want her to know what I said. The I get censored not the whole fucking word. Everyone's gonna know what it is. Oh, really? I'm gonna get in trouble. So yeah, this is the movie review podcast where Jani and I stab each other in the back by picking movies that the other will obsessively hate in order to ruin their lives. Sorry, rewind. What was that? Were you just used extensively obsessively. Oh, I thought you set up sensibly. Oh, no. Now you've got me doing an ostensibly Austin Sibley. Okay, that's why I don't use your dumb fancy words. This is a movie review podcast where yonni I pick movies that we have a good idea. The other one is probably going to hate that we love IE this week. I picked three fugitives a 1989 heist robber caper comedy, starring Nick naughty and Martin Short. Now I gotta be honest with you. I had a lot of hesitation over this movie because I honestly thought Jani was gonna like it. But you know I should I overestimated our boy Jani. He doesn't like anything. How How? I I'm dumbfounded. I don't know how you could think that. I would like something. It's got Martin Short in it. You don't like Martin Short. I went art and short and small doses like okay, Gemini Glick. Fine. Martin Short as uncle jack and arrested. Development. Okay. His impression of Larry David. I think in that one SNL episode. Yeah, sure. A whole hour and a half of Martin Short doing slapstick. No, thank you. Okay, call. Well, we'll get to it wasn't even good slapstick. It was just him falling down all the time. That's all. Shut the fuck up. We're gonna get into his great fucking slapstick My God. All right, listeners. So what we do in the beginning of the episode is the chooser. ie Yours truly, me will explain why they pick the movie why they love the movie. And why Jani is always wrong. Oh, and the and why Jani is always wrong. All right. Sorry. Why did you have to correct yourself there? I'm noticing that I'm not enunciating word letters at the end. So I didn't I said wrong. I didn't say wrong. How many fists of tequila Have you had today? It's a general thing that I notice about my speech. Is it less than six? It's not less than six is it? I poured myself a glass of whiskey and I had maybe three sips So no, I'm not buzzed or drunk or anything. I just noticed that I have some hammered. Yeah, you can spell it on my breath right now through Google Hangouts. Jesus. I'm just saying, I know I noticed that I want to get better at it. So I I'm forcing myself to get better at it. Anyways, thank you for driving us off the rails 14 minutes into our recording yadi that's my job. That's why I find someone else who does it better. That's a little bitch. Yeah. It's hard to find someone somebody better at being a little bitch. So why I pick three fugitives. I first saw this movie only a couple months ago, it was on HBO kind of just one of those days where you're scrolling through movies pops up and you go Hey, why not? I knew nothing about this film beforehand. I just saw you know, I like Martin Short enough. Let's try this out. And from the get go from the very beginning, I knew something special and and I so strongly recommend listeners that you go into this movie, knowing nothing about it. So if you haven't watched this movie, if you can, it's on HBO. Try and watch it. It's a brief 90 minutes, but it takes so many twists and turns especially in the first 20 minutes. The first 20 minutes Personally, I think is just a comedic masterclass. It's essentially what I love about silent comedians about Charlie Chaplin, Buster kin, all those fellows who are doing all these gags, but they're not dumb. They're smart. They're clever. They're constantly setting themselves up then undercutting themselves doing visual gags that just read funny that are just clever. For something done well after that era. I can't think of anything else I've seen that comes even remotely close as this film anyways, like I said, Love the first 20 minutes I think Nick naughties performance is fantastic gets part of the reason why the movie works. So well. Martin Short, pretty good. I don't think he brings it as much he kind of just does what he needs to do movie drops off, and we'll get into it, the movie drops off after that first 20 minutes, there's a bit of a stretch, that's kind of and then by the last act, it really picks up again, needless to say that first 20 that last 30 or so, so strong, that honestly instantly became one of my favorite comedies. What Yes. And it's something that I know, I can come back to. I know, because I know you love rewatch ability on it, I know, it's something that I'm going to be able to come back to again and again and again and not get tired of it. Part of it is because it's a fairly simple film. I'm not gonna say it's complex or anything. It's pretty simple and straightforward. But like those silent films, that's not what it's going for. It's going for strong visual gags, and it succeeds really well at them. And the reason why I say I, it's so rewatchable is because two weeks ago, when I was kind of debating which movie this was going to be as listeners, you heard, I was debating, I picked Swiss Army Man, but then I reverse course, because I really, really, really want to talk about this movie, my roommate and I watched it two weeks ago. And then I said, Oh, man, I'm kind of fuzzy on all the details. Let me rewatch it. So we rewatch it last night, and I was still laughing hard, like real hard at a lot of it. If anything, the scenes that I really hated the first time around, start to grow on me. So all that is to say, I really love this film rating wise if I'm allowed to use decimals. Sorry, what have we been doing that? I don't know yet? Am I allowed to use a decimal Yani? Am I allowed to use a decimal? We haven't done it before. Can I use a fucking decimal? Uh, no, we haven't done it before. Well, you know what, you know what? This is my podcast not not yours. You don't edit this. You barely contribute you just show up every Sunday. So you know what, I'm gonna do a decimal 8.1 and the 10 Nope, it's an eight listeners strike his rating from the record and it is officially an eight out of 10 we do not do decimal points for ratings on your show. Right? You're right, you're right. It's not 8.1 it's an 8.25 it's an 8.25 out of 10 still rounds down to an eight I don't really know what to tell you. You know I can tell you to go fuck yourself. So Jani I don't think we say that either. on this show. That's not what this show is about. This is fruit your opinion. This fruit your opinion, fruit your opinion. We talk about our opinion either If we compare them to fruits, yani how you never seen the cover art that the cover art says. f star star cabin. Actually, how do you get I have never listened to an episode I've told you this. How What? Where have you been? I've literally said into this introducing this episode I said Welcome to fuck your opinion. How is that ambiguous? You? Did you tuned me out? Okay. I'm sure yeah, I spent some time. And I'll tell you right now it's just impolite to correct people. Okay, they don't do it. I'm not gonna do it either. Again, how are you correcting? Me? It's my podcast is free. How would I be wrong about this? How would I be wrong? Would I be? Yes, you need to wake up. We miss you. Come back to a Shawn. Please wake up. Am I Oh? Yeah, I was gonna say though earlier about you tuning me out? I actually tuned you out quite a bit. So you know, I wouldn't have been surprised. I don't think this friendship would be able to survive. listeners. Anytime. Yani goes on a long winded rant about something. And I don't interject, you can safely assume that I'm not paying attention. Just swiping right. That's all you're doing. Just look down to the old phone and you start swiping. I can't hold the phone with my arms. We've established I have bad arms. Oh, you just made this joke. Sad. It hurts. It actually hurts. Yeah, let's move on. dumb shit. All right. Jani, your plot summary go. Okay, so how do I sum up this movie? In a few words? here's here's what I think this movie is all about. Three fugitives is all about Nick naughty grumbling. unintelligibly. Through 90 minutes of Martin Short book. It's all designed to distract the viewer from questioning why any human woman might copulate with Martin shortens character to the point of conception. Oh my god. There you go. Take it from there. Sure. That's what you were thinking about the whole movie. That was what I was. I have no idea. Even before the breakdown. Let's just say he was a normal guy before the break down. I don't know what normal from that for Ned is his name Ned Berry. That's his name right. Harry Perry. I don't know how he could attract a woman for whatever version of normal Ned Perry was before the breakdown. I highly I cast aspersions on that theory. There is no way it's possible of her adventure out the window. It was the 80s You know, that's not a good enough excuse, Nick. nulty 100% I don't care. Yeah, the hair, the height that I mean, he's got grizzled features probably a good rockin BOD. You know that. So here's what I'll say. First of all, obviously, strongly disagree cannot disagree enough. But you only disagree because because because Martin Short is you in that movie. You even I look? And I say, Look, I'm basically Martin Short, I wouldn't be gone. But I was definitely gonna say well, Jani is it that you can't believe Martin Short, can't get married or can't get a woman because I can't is that is that your logic? I'm single airgo he should be single and No. Go you should go to prison. If I'm Nick Nolte if he's my my counterpart in the movie. At least I pulled like 14 successful armed robberies before getting slammed getting put in the can by James Earl. Joe. What did what did Ned Perry do before that? Oh, he had one adorable daughter. And that's it. That's the best thing he ever did. Her character is way better than his in this movie. Oh, I hard disagree. But one thing that I was gonna say earlier, I'd never gotten Nick Nolte I mean, I've seen a couple of his movies. But whenever older woman would tell me, man I used to find Nick Nolte so dreamy. I used to really like him. I would just go Nick. Naughty Nick. Fucking naughty. Are we looking at the same man? Listen, I'm a straight man. So I can't I can't say but I would just never see that. But this movie was the first time I saw it. I was just like, You know what? I can't understand why you ladies felt that there's something about his his blue eyes that really drew me in. I was about is that also because your eyes are your best feature? Yeah, my eyes are my best feature. I'll listeners that I tell you the story. Yeah. Okay, okay. So sidebar, sidebar. Tell listeners I don't make I don't get many compliments in this life. The one compliment I ever consistently get is that I have nice eyes. beautiful, gorgeous, nice, beautiful, gorgeous eyes. I don't get it all the time. But when when when someone's gonna give me a compliment. I know it's gonna be from my eyes like I would put him on the same level in terms of eyes with Grace Kelly. Now that that is quite quite a con Thank you. Thank you. I think Grace Kelly eyes and the Martin Short body actually does Martin Short did he have blue eyes in this movie thing as gross or brown? I don't know. You're like Martin Short with Nick Nolte his eyes. So there was one time when I first moved to LA whereas going through a McDonald's drive thru window, and the girl handing me my fast food just leaned over and said, You have really nice eyes. I just feel like I need to tell you that because us nice eyed people have to stick together. Yeah, you know, pointed out and I drove away and I just felt really creeped out. I was like by why you Okay, thanks. That's it. That's your story. I'm not saying my story was great. I'm just saying it's relevant with the eyes. Okay, you're a butter eyes. What does that mean? Well, clarify, clarify. butterface but their face but their eyes like oh, no, I would not butter eyes. Have you never heard that listeners write in? I didn't say I never heard it. listeners. I just stared at Jani eyes wide open and just want to see what he'd say. And I was I was mesmerised I was I became a I became a mouse before the walls of Troy as soon as he did that. All right. What is this podcast about? Oh, yeah, that's right. Keep going this fucking off track. All right, let me have a drink. And then what's your plot summary, Shawn? They've heard my plot. So I'm actually a plot summary. More More like a dig, because I know we keep this is never consistent. We never we don't have that consistent spot. I got to put in the structure that Yogi green tea quote. So listeners, I actually have two quotes for you. One from my current cup of tea and another from a previous cup of tea. First quote, and this describes Martin shore By the way, if you do anything out of sheer compassion, you will never be wrong. So he wasn't wrong for robbing that bank. Because he did that on sheer compassion. Think about that as a wrong when he shot Nick Nolte in the leg. He did out of sheer compassion. He wasn't he? Was he wrong when he couldn't stop falling down when sneaking into the girls home shear capacity wrong. That was just compassion, sheer compassion, even though it ultimately messed with Nick multis vibe and caused him to select the wrong girl from that eerily well lit nighttime bedroom. Second, yo, he quote, love is the ultimate law of life. And that one's for Nick Nolte. So we got one from Martin shore, we got one for Nick Nolte, because the ultimate law is him finding love and the little girl, you know, like wanting to be like a father figure. I had no idea that that was his I, what was his art? Okay, I'll just wait until we'll discuss this later. But I don't think Nick Nolte has like any sort of arc in this, but neither of them really do. They don't really change all that much as people. And if they do have changes, they're totally abrupt and kind of come out of left field. But again, we've been talking for a while you got to stop bitching about the time okay? Because listeners right now I'm I'm editing the full monty episode. This motherfucker every 10 minutes or so breaks out and says, Shawn, it's so late. It's 130 my time. Oh, Shawn, we've been talking about this movie for so long. Oh, Shawn, it's this time for a love of God. You think I'm not paying attention to what time it is? I don't think you are. I think you want me to have a bad sleep schedule. I think you want me. It's all based off of your schedule. Don't give me this shit. Some of us work. Shawn. I work more than you. Yeah, you too. So I gave you my Plot summary. What is yours? So listeners. What we do here is I'm just going to give you a basic plot summary of the film. That way you can keep up with us as we go along through film starts with Nick nulty is get out of prison. He's done five years. As soon as he gets out onto the mainland. James Earl Jones. The cop who initially rested him is immediately on his ass is like oh, Lucas, you're never gonna stay out. I know you. I'm, I'm the cop who's always got a step ahead. I know you're gonna want a thief always a thief, Nick Nolte. He's like, nope. Oh, sorry. I gotta do Nick. Nope. Nope. I'm a new man. That's just a Batman. But you know, more or less nicked off the technologies like yeah, I'm a new man. I turn a new leaf. Then James Earl Jones makes a joke about what I forgot exactly how it goes. But something we're Lucas Nick Nolte asks him to bring him to a bank so he can deposit his cheque from working at present. If delta walks into the bank, James Earl Jones and his partner like Oh, he's Not gonna actually Rob that bank is a James Earl Jones like it's just a matter of time but yeah there's no way he's gonna rob that bank. I mean we literally just dropped him off how would he be that they peace out? Nick Nolte goes into deposit his check and guess what a bank robber hops in and you know, sticks everyone up. And it's a shit show because this bank robber is Martin Short. Immediately it's clear he has no idea what the fuck he's doing. He is terrible at this. A funny scene in the bank ensues. With Martin Short getting the money bank teller presses and alarm all the cops diverged on the bank. And this is like an insane amount of cops. It's converge. It's comical. Why do you say you said diverged? they converge on the bank whatever. So they converge on the bank. And yeah, like I said shit ton of cops because they all think it's Lucas on his 15th heist obviously it's not Lucas when they get there James Earl Jones takes the negotiation duties says Luke Yes Get out of here something like that. Terrible of accents that's that sounds nothing like yeah, I'm not I'm not even trying to think like James Martin Short coincidentally takes Nick guilty as hostage Nick bilities like pick someone else Martin shorts like I'm allowed the gun bro. Come with me. And then when they're outside funny banter ensues where Lucas is explaining. He's not the robber, but he has to end up because Martin shore is so incompetent pretend to be sad robber in order to get themselves out of the situation so they don't get shot and die. They escaped. There's some more funny scenes with them. For example, Nick Nolte tries to turn Martin Short in, but Martin sure at this point, realizes that Nick Nolte isn't a tourist bank robber tries to turn him in instead, hilarity ensues they thought they accidentally got shot before because again, Martin Schwartz and competent that's the first 20 minutes in movie they escaped the police but Nick multi passes out out of the goodness of his heart, Martin Short brings Nick Nolte to his veterinarian friend who is a delirious old man who keeps thinking Nick Nolte is a dog. Ha ha ha ha ha. You can stop. You can stop. You can stop, stop. Then we get to learn a little bit more about Martin shorts backstory, we learn that he robbed the bank specifically to pay for his rent and for bills for tuition because he's about to lose his daughter and his daughter means everything to him. So he does his very stupid idea in order to essentially protect her to keep her with him. Then we get to meet the daughter because he brings her over to the vet's office. She doesn't speak anymore since her mother passed away a few years ago. She's just one of those quiet kids want to say quiet like again she just tripped up does not speak ignore things like I don't want to deal with a kid. No kids Martin Short asked Nick naughty how to get a passport they've not he gives them a recommendation some stupid scene and Sue's where he tries to get a passport from one and Nick multis or associates. All associates like yeah, we actually want all the money from your bank robbery. Nick nulty in the matter of 15 minutes goes from hating little girl to being her best friend less they go Yeah, they go and rescue Martin Short then it's kind of just more chasing escaping from the police that kind of stuff. And then it becomes clear to the police that Lucas is actually not in on it. Martin Short writes a letter of confession he essentially clearing Nick Nolte daughter gets sent to a foster home because she's picked up by the police cut to an ambiguous amount of time later probably two days two or three days I don't know maybe Martin Short doesn't grow facial hair very quickly. He seemed perfectly well shaven but even though he was sleeping underneath that apartment I have no idea you explain it to me Shawn. You explain it to me I think it could be a couple of weeks I it's very been on the docks. But anyways yeah Claire we break into the girls break into the girls home asylum little girls home wherever These girls are being held. They rescue her and then they con their way putting on the skies is out of the country. They flew to Canada particularly easy it's a fun it Don't get me wrong. It's insanely funny scene but it's pretty easy how they get to Canada and then Before the movie ends, Nick Nolte is like hey Martin Short you should get some Canadian cash here's some cash go to the bank and then what do you know that bank has held up and Martin shorts now the hostage cut the black? Oh, sorry no sorry. Sorry. Like, like hang on cash freeze frame all the credits cool. Did you hear that? Hear what the sigh Do you hear my sigh I heard something Yeah, my my displeased sigh this the the disinterested party sigh is that what we're gonna call disaffected party? sigh Yeah. Okay, so you describe that while including a fair amount of things you said you didn't necessarily actually like, not more negative than positive. Mind you, I will give you that. And there were actually some things I didn't dislike about this movie. There are an I I kid you not several moments where I legitimately Wow, whoa, cuz that's a great fucking movie. But anyways, here's the thing, just because I don't like stuff about a movie doesn't mean I don't think it's great, cuz we're gonna get into it. Right now. We're talking about the most liked scenes right now. Well, at least you know, this is actually gonna be all over the place listeners. Because we compile a list of three favorite scenes, three least favorite scenes. And basically two of my favorite scenes are on ianis. Least favorite seeing less. So let's just talk about we're gonna talk about the beginning. And then we're going to talk about the end. How's that sound? Yeah, sure. Let's, let's go for it. All right. So yeah, I love the beginning. I love the first 20 minutes of the movie, if I had to boil it down to a scene, as much as I love the specific opening of him walking out talking to James Earl Jones, because it's not funny at all. It takes itself not insanely seriously as a drama. But if you just watch that first five minutes, you wouldn't necessarily peg it as a comedy. And then it just escalates from there and goes all over the place. What I love so much about the robbery and the chaos and hilarity that ensues is like I was saying with silent film comedians, this film does such a great job at constantly setting up things visually, and then paying them off with some kind of Gag or joke or something. For example, immediately when Martin Short runs in as the robber and says, I have a gun. I have a grenade. He has a pantyhose over his Yeah, I'm assuming it's Benny eneos over his face. Again, he can't really see it looks like an idiot. But what he pulls the grenade with his mouth, it just rips open the mask, things like that. It's not the funniest compared to some of the other bits, but it's constantly setting up or he tosses a duffel bag over the counter, essentially, then when the banker tosses it back and accidentally gets caught in the ceiling. It's something that you don't see coming. But it's really funny. It's really it again, like it's just constantly setting up new hurdles, new problems, and then solving them in a way that's really funny and setting up its own other issues. And all visually, it's it's really great. So that's the main reason why I love it and why I think it's honestly a master class and how to do that. But it wouldn't have worked without the performances, particularly an ignore it because like I was saying he plays it pretty straight in the first five minutes. And honestly, he plays it pretty straight in a sense throughout the whole movie. He's not really going over the top comedically again, if you took the other elements out, he wouldn't be some fucking goofball. But he's just so constantly irritated and agitated. And I don't know, there's so many just little bits and little things about his performance. And I know you're going to talk about this. So there's a this is a remake of a French film, same director, and Jani and I both watched clips of the original film, and this is not to poopoo, the original actor who played Nick built his role. He did a good job, but every decision that Nick Malti did that was different, I preferred even little things like for example, as soon as Martin Short runs in in the original version, guy doesn't give cashier check, but he still just pockets it. And this version, if multi not looking back, takes it out of the cashiers hand, like second nature and just put it back in. It's just little, all these little things. And that's the thing that there's so many little differences that really work really well. final thing I'll say with what I was saying earlier, part of the reason why that comedy that visual comedy works is the direction the director often uses a lot of YG shots, static shots and just knows exactly when to cut exactly how to use the camera in a way that it's not too much but it works and it does exactly what it needs to do. Yani Why do you hate the scene so much? Well, I can just give you a couple of bullet points here rundown it's a very schizophrenic opening to the movie. First, you start off with Nick melty being released from prison and things are like kind of the music more than anything in the way it's shot. It's kind of eerie, kind of suspenseful, you're thinking, well, I don't really know. This movie could kind of go either way. I could see it being very suspenseful. Slightly suspenseful, I could see there being like a dash of comedy thrown in there. It could be like more sardonic, and it's Cuba. But then like, as soon as he steps foot on the boat, you get smooth jazz. It's like the movie backpedaled from seriousness into wimzie. And I didn't really get that didn't really seem like a great choice kind of dated the movie pretty hard. I guess you're saying? I don't think it felt wimzie I don't think that tone changed drastically from what I initially saw. But yeah, it definitely the music is not the strongest part of this film. But it's irrelevant, I think. I think it's totally relevant because it sets the tone. It sets the tone when they're when you're not really hearing any characters discuss anything when you're not getting any new information when you're just seeing Nick Nolte his character existing in the space that he's in. It's pretty important whether you're hearing something or he or not hearing something and when you are hearing something in the background, if it's not, if it doesn't sound like Oh, sorry, I actually had a great Give me a second. I mean, what you have Yeah, it is great. Yeah, no, I think it's important that it doesn't sound like the movie was scored by the synth player from the Steve Winwood song while you see a chance. distracting, it's just completely distracting. I didn't watch a clip of the original opening itself from the hole the first like 1520 minutes I didn't do a side by side comparison of it. I'm assuming it was probably a little bit different. I don't know if you did. Could you weigh in there I saying everything pre bank or during bank pre bank. Just tell me about the music. I saw clips, but I didn't hear the music. I don't know what it's like, but I mean, I think it would have been better. I think it would have been better. But not all movies in the 80s had the exact same Well, let me ask you let me ask you, not this not since but I watched Mississippi Burning a couple weeks ago. And I felt like that score really fucking dated the movie. Do I feel like that ruin the movie? Absolutely not. I'm not saying it ruin the movie. This is just one of my chief complaint, not chief complaints. My minor complaints about the opening. I corrected myself and said minor okay. It's an issue. It's a little distracting. Not great, like being distracted. But and I'm probably just nitpicking. I didn't necessarily like I didn't necessarily like James Earl Jones. In his role. I think he was really miscast or misused. For this part. He was in a different movie. He was he was in a very different movie. And by the time he figured it out, it was his last scene. I don't think he ever figured it out. Maybe he didn't. I don't know. When he's laughing with Cameron from Ferris Bueller's Day Off about how bad of a day Nick Nolte probably had. And that's the last you see of him. I think maybe he figured it out at that point. But up until then he doesn't really jive in the scenes, he kind of like changes the entire direction of the movie, whenever he's present on screen with another one of the main characters. I mean, the thing is, with what I was saying about Nick naughty earlier, and what I really liked about him is that he takes the role more seriously. While he's really fucking funny. He's not overtly trying to be intentionally funny in that kind of sense. You know, you know the difference between an actor and who's kind of overacting in the comedy versus one who's kind of laying back and letting it happen. He's much more the ladder while James Earl Jones is much more of the former, he was trying to command the scene he was he was just so aware that he was in a comedy that he just handed up. And while I thought it was an issue a little bit, it was definitely felt off. I still enjoyed the hell out of his performance. I didn't enjoy it. I can't it's only got less it he was an I actually have a note about Cameron. I'll just finish what I'm saying about James Earl Jones and that I think they could have found someone better. I think it was distracting that he didn't really seem to understand or he the direction he was receiving whatever it was, whatever, whatever events decisions brought about the final product that we see in the movie. I don't think it worked. But a little side note about Cameron when McNulty has exited the barge and he greets James Earl Jones by the car on the dock and they're talking and they they're talking And they decide to walk together and they pass the car. Did you notice that the cars started backing up? I know that I noticed that like a light, which was just like a really weird decision to have them do but the only thing I can think of after I found out that that was Cameron driving it was that oh, well, it looks like he finally figured out how to put it in reverse without crashing through his dad's window. That's so funny. I bet you spend all day thinking up that choke. Oh my god, you're such. Why do I do this with you? I don't know. Why do I? You know what from now on. I'm just not I'm not gonna laugh at a single thing you say? I'm not gonna point out that what you're saying is funny. I'm just not gonna. I'm gonna look at you. Totally straight face. Here's the thing you authentically laugh at what I say but when you say something you're not pity you don't laugh at you. That's not no one else is laughing. So feeling I have to laugh. No, I've known plenty of people that I know it authentic. One of them. I know a pity laugh and I know an authentic laugh. And you don't you're not giving me I told you I know a good liar. You know, side note, side note, listeners. So I've been I can't necessarily say reading because I'm listening to the audio book. But the audio book talking to strangers by Malcolm Gladwell fascinating read about how we misinterpret facial expressions about just talking to people and how we just are wrong about what people mean all the time. And how assholes like Jani can or sorry, sociopaths like Jani can just straight up lie to people and not give a single shit and ask himself man I wonder why no one believes I'm a liar. Well bitch it's because we have that good of a lie. No, you're not a good liar. It's nothing It has nothing to be with even being a good liar. It's we assume that people are truthful good we're just conditioned to be the thing that and you just think you don't think critically I think that's a no don't think you're skeptical enough. Anyways back to the movie that we were talking about on this podcast last point major point that the the major point that Aaron was driving backwards rolling the movie, obviously fucking tapestry Oh, my God. It's really weird to do decision very distracting, great point there to get to the thing that really just bothered the hell out of me. So when the police response was called in when they found out that when, when one of the tellers hit the emergency button inside the bank, and the police started coming, they cut to James Earl Jones and Cameron in the car hearing about the robbery. And they say oh, it's it's it's Nick Nolte. We have to go we have to go stop this boy. We knew it and they drive off and James Cameron breaks the siren by the way when he slams on on top. Yeah, great. I don't think it was I think it was an accident. And then they just decided to use it which the Koch brothers he? No, it's not nearly that much anyways. So it's not like James Earl Jones called into dispatch to tell them that it was Lucas, Nick milty. And to have more people, more cops show up to the bank. Oh, wow. All the cops showing up without being told who was actually robbing the place. So you have like 40 guys show up to this once one robbery at this small bank. And that to me felt a little bit exaggerated. Oh, wow. They have no idea that bank robber was being released that day. They couldn't have a piece that one out. Oh, shit, we got a bank robber. Oh, we could never have a bank robber. It wouldn't have mattered Robert game. I don't think that would have mattered. I think they went, hey, you're not only you're not letting me finish my point. You're not letting me get to my point. What the main problem in the scene is, by the way, I actually like all the stuff inside the bank when Martin Short is shown up by a guy who's even shorter than he Martin shorter is probably what his name is. That was pretty funny. But the problem arises when Martin Short walks out of the bank with Nick nulty at gunpoint and his face down by I don't know 50 guys with rifles, automatic rifles trained at them. And they do that bit of slapstick, Martin Short kind of faints in Nick multis arms. It's Yeah, kind of funny. It's really fun to lean down to pick up his gun. And then a shot is accidentally charged, discharged, and the police just light up the face of the bank as if there aren't a dozen people pass the window waiting. They light up the face. They shatter glass the bullets go right through 40 guys just emptying their magazines and you're telling me I'm not supposed to be thinking about the dozen people who were just blown to smithereens behind that glass. What happened to them? Well, first of all, they clearly so they get away with just but they didn't get away. It was just too simple. Second of all, someone needs To explain things like tone to Jani, because I don't think he understands that this is a silly fucking movie. It doesn't matter if it's a silly movie, they could have just jumped in, they could have cut inside the bank to just show everyone falling to the ground. And that would have sufficed it was, we're talking about maybe half a second, maybe a second shirt, just show that piece. Sure, ever been nice to have that in it? I don't think it mattered whatsoever. I really didn't mind it. But here's the thing the same, I'm pretty sure. And this is one of the scenes I actually did watch. I'm pretty sure the same problem existed in the original. So I don't really know either way, their getaway was too easy. It didn't really make much sense to me why all James Earl Jones would have to do was call off the guards on one side of the street. And then they could drive off without being pursued for like a solid minute or enough time for them to put distance between them and the cops for them to roll off the side of the road and disappear. It's all just a little bit too contrived. Because the movie needed to happen. That's why that's kind of how it felt. Here's what Jani is failing to explain with the cops in this movie. We're not talking about I don't know, badass motherfuckers we're talking about the Keystone cops. That's what these guys are. There's a scene a little bit later where Nick Nolte is trying to turn Martin Short in and then you know, they try and turn themselves in and then they run back out. And this scene, they push over maybe five cops, and each one is just absurd and ridiculous. These guys are just being shoved to the floor. It's really funny. It's really silly. It's it's really not the reactions are exaggerated and cut around to make it seemed like they're not cut around. It's not cut, though. It's static. It's totally exact. It's not it's exaggerated, but it's not you can't say it's cut around. You can say it's exaggerated, but that's the fucking point. I don't know, I don't understand how you like silence comedy. I don't like that. I don't understand how get out of cop headquarters, say you like city lights or something like that. If like you can't accept that kind of logic. I don't understand. First of all, there are like five cops in there. And there are two guys and one just throws a duffel bag of money at some of them. And he looked By the way, he loses like 75% of the cash in there, which makes the whole whole thing just a total boondoggle not worth the effort or time but they're not pushing all five of them down consecutively simultaneously, these guys are getting back up and then they kind of just run out. They're stopped by like one cop or No, they're not even stopped by a cop. They just run out. No one's there and they jump back in their car and drive off. Hey guys, Sean here just editing this episode. I just need to point out real quick that even though I didn't point it out in the moment, that's actually incorrect. There are a couple cops that run out and they get pushed around. So you know, yani is a liar, as we've already established. And as he has openly admitted on this podcast, back to the episode. It's like what happened to those five guys? Are they still are you telling me that they're still like, bumbling down on the floor inside one of them lost their gun, two of them just like accidentally started making out there's an orgy breaking out in there. And that's why they can't be bothered to come out and stop these two. No, I get it. It's goofy. It's a comedy they could have played to that strength. They could have had a funny Chase. Blues Brothers does do that. That's why Blues Brothers is a better movie than this one. Oh, yeah. Sure. Blues Brothers is a better movie. I'm not going to argue against that chases. Could be funny. They didn't even try to have a funny chase in this movie. I don't think I can. I can call I can. I don't think I can reference one single one. It's a missed opportunity. And I think it weakens the movie. I I think my chief complaint I can I see so many places where they could have done something that was way funnier. And they just did not because it was easier, simpler, cheaper. I understand what you're saying right now. I don't think I think 95% of the time. What they did was really spot on. Actually, let me take that back. Everything in the first 21 minutes. I timed this 21 minutes. And then the last is actually approximate, like 30 minutes? I don't, I don't think they could have done anything else. Because they're talking about the comparisons. A lot of those jokes were plussed up from the original French movie. There's like slight variation, slight differences, slight additions, it's clear that the director honed this film that he figured out what he could add and kind of you know, make it a better quote unquote tapestry. And then Martin Short just came came by with a lighter and set fire to the whole thing. Yeah, sure. But I will say I'll give you that. I wish there was some kind of chase After that, because after they get away, the film comes to a screeching halt. I understand why it's the logic of you can't sustain that much for that long. I wish the chase went on longer. I wish there was more. I wish we didn't go to the veterinarian and have that shitty ass extra 20 minutes that we didn't need. Oh, gosh, so many logistical errors, whatever. Any logistical problems. I really don't mean I really don't care about anyways. So we talked about that opening. Now, let's talk about the ending because I love the ending. You hated the ending. Well, really, let's clarify. Let's clarify what exactly you said in the notes Yannis notes as to why he didn't like the beginning. In parentheses, specifically Martin Short. next bullet point the ending in parentheses, specifically Martin Short and then then the other point that's not those as every fucking time I stopped Martin Short on screen. But Worst of all, probably the girls home seen what a simple so we'll get into that later. But let's talk about the ending at least specifically what I liked which was essentially the whole border crossing I thought the finale well clever not worth talking about. That's the climax. Yeah, that's not the that's not the ending. Yeah, but but I I am specifically talking about border crossing. That's what I really loved. That was my scene that I really liked. So essentially, Martin Short disguises as a woman, and he's playing Nick both his wife Nick Nolte is driving the car and Martin Short Stata is pretending to be a boy in the backseat. Right? And she's got a big teddy bear. That's important. So they're driving they reached a border Martin shorts freaking out. He's like, shit, man. You gotta you gotta drive through the border. We're not going to be able to trick these cops. That thought the being the, you know, 14 time bank robber says What do you fucking nuts? We'll definitely get caught. They'll definitely catch up to us. That's a terrible idea. Martin shorts, tries driving off. If not he punches him in the gut. That's important because when they get the actual crossing, Martin shorts, though kind of curled up. Nick Nolte talks to the cop COP is like, oh, what's the reason for your crossing cetera, et cetera, et cetera. And Nick Nolte makes looking at Martin Short says, Oh, this is my wife. She's about to give birth. We need to get over real fast cop being a Canadian cop. You know, so so so nice. Those Canadians are that they're so sweet, right? Or they are nice people, you know? So they say well, you're not actually Canadian, right? No, I've told Jesus that I don't really care. No, I'm not I told you this multiple that I've just lived there for a few years. Okay. Just went to school there. Yeah, so that's why you're such a dick. Anyways, these nice Canadian cops go a lot. Let us escort you to the hospital. Nick Nolte tried to say oh, no, that's too much. Oh, no problem at all guys to motorcycle cops go with them. They drive off at a hospital. They get to the hospital daughter gives Martin Short that teddy bear they spoke of earlier, puts it under her dress or under his dress. That way he can pretend to be pregnant. And it says this whole little goof of you know, essentially conning the police and just again, is setting up expectations. Ending that gag by ending that gag going to a new one. A lot of visual humor. really fucking love the scene. What do you hate about it is the same problem. It did not push the envelope at all. They What? Shawn's not telling you is they con the cops. First of all, I don't know how any single person on earth could believe that Martin Short in a wig and a dress would look like or could possibly be an actual woman. Oh, they've been in a stress. He's an ugly woman. There's a joke earlier where they lose the wig. Martin shorts. Like some woman have short hair. Like don't lose like you're too ugly for that. So we've established that he's fucking ugly. But anyways, yeah, no, but he's not wearing makeup. He doesn't have earrings in he's not he's not dolled up. He doesn't look like he could actually be a woman. He's just Martin Short with a wig and a dress on no further attorneys can be ugly to I don't know what to tell you. They could not be as ugly as Martin Short ladies you can be beautiful. I can also be ugly and beautiful in heart like Martin Short or what? No, I think Martin Short is ugly on the outside and on the inside. But that's that's a discussion for another time. God. What really irritates me aside from that one logistical issue is that she they they con the cops. They get a police escort to the nearest hospital and then A non orderly a nurse, a male nurse comes up to the door when they're at the hospital and says we're getting a gurney for you and Nick nulty and smart and short and Meg are just sitting in the car looking at the two motorcycle cops who escorted them exchanging like really cheesy grins the whole time, and it's really all they're waiting for. It's really awkward. humorous, it's all given that I don't say it's I'm not gonna say it's hilarious, but I did a little laugh my ass. I i exhaled a little air out of my nostrils quietly. But as soon as smart as soon as the gurney shows up, and Martin Short is thrown on the gurney with what's obviously not a pregnant womb. It's odd. It's lumpy. You can see the blue fur of the teddy bear through the very thin kind of diaphanous material of the of the dress. don't really believe anybody could not see that. But okay, you're right. It says goofball movie. They're not supposed to they wheel Martin Short in the cops drive off. And that's where it ends. Martin Short just stands up says, Oh, I feel a lot better. stuffed animal falls out from under the dress and they run out. Nick Nolte runs back and grabs. The stuffed bear says she's always forgetting things or something to that effect. And that's it. That's how it ends. They're home free in Canada to get taken hostage and another bank robbery. It's just it's a blink and you miss it sort of thing. There was no attention. It could have just taken it so much further. It could have actually gotten into the delivery room, or they could I don't know I just I found myself wanting so much more out of that they could have not milked it, but they could have just injected it with far more humor really escalated the event and it kind of just falls flat. It's over. It's done on to the next. I agree. I would have liked to have gone longer. Again, if we could have cut some of that middle section and then maybe added a couple minutes. Yeah, I would have been funny to see Martin Short go to the delivery room that cops leave. But then all the dilemma of Nick Balti can't find him all this kind of stuff that could happen. Yeah, I think that could have been really funny. But it's not about what we didn't get. It's what we got. And what we got was weak was strong. And personally, I didn't feel like I needed more. It would have been nice to have more, I would have been like sprinkles on top. But I re got the cake. I don't need sprinkles. I'm good with what I got. And pacing was just so uneven. They felt like they were building up to something else. And it didn't come it just didn't arrive what I was I was actually going to bring up pacing too. It's so brisk, but I think that's its strength. It's very quick. It's very lean. It's just constantly moving forward. I loved it. You know why I have so much to nitpick about these scenes, the beginning of the end. And it's because you're right, it's because the middle section is so negligible in so many places that I literally couldn't think of something that was worth my time. Yeah. Anything else you want to say on the ending? Or no, no, it's it's not worth it at this point. So verdicts in fantastic. Cool. Moving on. So metal, Oh, well. Here's what actually we did have one thing we overlapped on we did have one thing that you liked that I also light. So yeah, there is one thing that we both liked the scene. Right before we crossed the border, Jani. Do you want to set it up for us? Okay, so right before they cross the border, they've kidnapped Meg from the girl's home and Nick nulty using his abilities as a lockpick. Which that makes sense, actually, for a 14 time bank robber to have lock picking abilities. I wish we could have seen it earlier on. But there's also been a Stein. And here's my nitpick of the movie. And this is again, me accepting that this isn't the real world. And it's goofy and it's silly and I respect the choice as a director and a storyteller, but in a real world makes no sense. He would never as a 14 time bank robber and no world would he done a job so long. Yeah. And no world. What do you feel how to do that? Okay, make any sense? That is fine. Yeah. But okay. He did his time he paid his debt to society. They would never allow him. Yeah, you can't. You've got a good point. I agree with you. a certain amount of time passes. Nick Nolte gets an apartment gets a job furnished, fully furnished apartment, by the way, has alcohol in it. He has a van. He's He's worked. He's worked his way up to van responsibilities at the locksmith and like one day like that's why this who knows. Big, big, big and consistencies there. But anyways, he uses those locksmith abilities while serendipitously running into Martin Short also trying to break into the girls home to break into the girls home with Martin Short is a horrible scene where Martin Short basically ruins the entire in the entire abduction. But that's okay cuz it's fun. We're pretty quickly. It's not and they go to a home, the home of one of Nick Nolte his clients, the clients are wealthy, they're out of town. And Meg is unconscious for some reason. And yes, they layer down in one of the bedrooms. She's not waking up. Nick Nolte is talking to her sweetly trying to get her to wake up Martin shorts, like, Oh, no, what are we going to do? How are we going to wake her up? So Nick Nolte grabs her firmly by the shoulders and shakes her until she wakes shakes this up. And it's successful. And she's talking again, and oh, they're just a happy little family. They try to feed her as some sort of caviar, duck liver or something. Then they all put on their disguises and leave. It's a well paced sequence. There's one moment where Nick Nolte is doing this really cute thing with Meg where he's cutting her hair and they're discussing how Meg has to refer to Martin Short as mommy and refer to him as daddy. And it's, it's kind of endearing. It makes me wish the whole movie was just about Nick, melty, and Meg. Maybe maybe Martin shorts character like died at the very beginning. Maybe he gets shot and he dies. And in Nick Nolte, his arms at the vets and they throw his body. They throw his body into the river. Oh, god, oh, by the way it down and then the rest of the movies about him and Meg, I am here for that. I wish that's the movie I got to watch. Because that would have been good. Anyways, as you were saying, Yeah, I love this sequence. Something I glossed over is the fact that Nick nulty and Martin Short have really good chemistry, they work really well together. They're a great buddy pair. They're total opposites, but it works. In the beginning it works really well because they absolutely hate each other. They are absolutely against each other when they actually start to come together halfway through the movie. And particularly in this scene that we're talking about. It's really endearing how they're still opposites but they work really well together for the sake of mag and it was often really sweet one of the scenes I really liked was so Martin Short when they first got to the house is carrying Meg up the stairs but he's exhausted he's been in the lab for several days and he barely has it in weeks months you don't know how long have an idea but also he never changed his jacket for some reason was and again Yeah, smooth as a baby's bottom those those Jake's have his anyways he's carrying make up the stairs and he's about to pass out that thought is like, okay, I'll grab I'll take her for you know, no biggie. And Martin Short, because, you know, he loves his daughter. He cares for her. And he did all this for her. Also, he's been separated from her for quite so well ambiguous amount of time and he's desperate not to lose her. And he's like, no, I I can't let go over. I had to, I need to keep holding on to my arms. And Nick Malti doesn't FOSS he doesn't argue against instead he grabs Martin Short and walks both of them up the stairs. It's really funny but it's also endearing and I love how Nick naughty just he understands he understands that need for Martin Short to continue like to hold on to his daughter no matter what you know, just always be with her. So I really like that moment is like it's it's funny, but when you really look at it and think about it's like it's actually kind of powerful. Yeah, I'd say it's the only on that the only moment the soul powerful moment. Sure. The whole movie. Sure. Yeah. Can't really disagree with that. Any anything. You want to talk about that what you liked? I mean, you had that Meg running away scene. Do you want to talk about that, or now? I like the scene, because it shows that Meg cares more about Nick Nolte then she cares about her own father. Who does too. In fact, as anybody watching this movie, could they've seen Nick Nolte and David C. Martin Short side by side and upon news that Nick Nolte he was certainly going to be gone from the from the movie, the viewer would instantaneously jump alongside Meg and head for the hills because who wants to deal with the imminent daddy issues ineluctable as a result of being raised by Martin Short, I'm sure that it seemed like that bad of a guy. Okay, let's say let's even let's say Nick Nolte remains in their lives for who knows how long at some point, she's going to become aware that she is in Canada illegally. She is going to start asking questions, and she's going to have to deal with the fact that she knows it right away. She knows that as soon as they do that. You think she's not cognizant of it? No, there's a different there's a difference between a five year old or a six year old realizing something like that, okay, having some sort of inkling of that idea. And then a full fledged adult Coming to terms with it that is years of their so how did you how do you come to terms with it then when you found out you were in Canada illegally because Martin Short Tokyo over the border? You're fine. Well, I it was a real I'll tell you what I was talking to Martin Short at the time, we were having breakfast in our home in our cabin in the woods in Saskatchewan because we have to live in the middle of nowhere, because that's how we survive as illegals, and I blacked out and when I woke up, he was drowned in his porridge. And I'm okay with it. I'm pretty sad with the whole experience. Now, way was that when you were a five or when you were like 17 Oh, this was last week. So it's, it's been like, what, 15 almost 20 years or something like that. And you just summed it up by how he died. Yeah, yeah. It felt really good. I was doing it. It's a blur. Well, actually, that's right. It is a blur so I don't know how it felt but seeing how seeing the the end result of it made me feel really happy. It's kind of a shame that in this that what you're describing right now that we could have had Martin Short on the podcast, but because you're a piece of shit, you'd never let him we would have had Gemini Glick Gemini Glick would have been he could have had Martin Short Three Amigos Martin Short on the podcast, but instead I had to have I had to deal with you for 15 fucking episodes. What a waste. Let me tell you right now I would rather Martin Three Amigos Martin Short is way better than this, Martin? Absolutely not. We had salutely the shortest Martin shorts to the tallest Martin shorts. This is the shortest short. You know, I want to do I want to make a buddy comedy with Martin Short. And Martin Lawrence. I'm gonna call it to Martin's. Now I know. I'm gonna call it Martini shot. You're gonna hate it so much. You're gonna hate it so much. Yeah, and we're gonna improvise and everything. We're gonna have no script, you're gonna have no continuity just gonna be they're just gonna be the whole thing is just 90 minutes of them, like bouncing into each other off the edges. 95% of the jokes are gonna be puns on the name margin, and how they're both named Martin. Man, I you know what I wouldn't give to be in a gulag for 25 years right now. I wonder if that. I wonder if I can do that. I think that's the only eat fish for that long. And then how are you going to talk to your kids after that? You know, I'm not going to do a lot of one of them pushes you off a ledge, you know? Well, I'm going to understand that. You know, he didn't push me that. The ledge fell free that you know, because you're an idiot, and it's all your fault. I fell out of my love for my son and because he needed to learn a valuable lesson about eating his dinner, or lunch. I don't feel like that's a lesson that a kid has to learn. I'll tell you what, I can only learn my father dies. I only learned lessons when my father dies in front of me. You know what LS laughing out a pity This is all pity for you. But the joke's on you. The joke's on you. It has nothing to do with me. How is it aside how petty also you're going up to Nick nulty? Nick naughty you just had surgery performed on him by Dr. Horvath. Arthur Hove. Arthur hoggarth. Arthur Dr. Harvard His name is Dr. Harvard Now Dr. Goofy moron. Dr. Goofy distrait. So unnecessary. In this movie Harvard Hart Firth Horvitz Hobart Hall Okay, Harvey, Hogarth and Iron Giant and it's just within v Hogarth or horror Vollrath who gives a fuck Okay, move on anyways, so he Horvath, the horror man performs surgery on my eyes and busts out of the house like the Incredible Hulk, Lou Ferrigno is Incredible Hulk. His most hated state runs off into I think it's I don't even know where it's like a mill. It's probably like a lumber mill or something. Yeah, just passes off. Meg follows him. And this ultimately results in Nick Nolte bonding to her. He like she like imprints on him or something like that. It's a very quick, very abrupt change in his character. That doesn't really make sense. Yeah, but it's cute. I'll give it that she lies down. She's got those like little tiny toddler. You know, pre-adolescent hands and she does that thing where she just lies on them snuggles up to him real close. It's adorable. I can't not like it. The music is very sweet. The camera movement is slow and thoughtful. I'll give you that she's adorable. It's one scene. I'll give you that she's adorable. But this is actually one of my most hated scenes for the reason you said it's so abrupt Nick. Naughty changes from I hate kids. No. Parents to make your My best friend overnight just because she lives next to him. It's crazy. It doesn't work for me because it's a silly comedy and not something that is really dramatically I was able to overcome that and just go along with the ride for the rest of the film didn't really kill it for me wasn't a major hiccup but was something that bothered me a bit in the moment. But you missed the best part of this scene, which is Yeah, you mentioned he bursts out of the house like Lou Ferrigno is Hulk, but he's charging like ah, going as fast as he can and dragging his ways it's it's it's like he's on something. I don't know what PCP Yeah, he's on PCP. Meanwhile, you have why tracking shots of him running and then you cut to the same shot of mag chasing after him just little girl just run a little bit you like real edge? She's keeping pace with it. No, she's not. That's the thing. She's obviously not keeping pace. But somehow with the editing is keeping pace. She arrives like just after she had to be running that five year old had to be running just as fast as that 41 year old man, there's no other way, Shawn that's the only possibility scientific fact. I know you can cut it together. I just don't buy it for one second. And it's ludicrous. Also, when Nick naughty runs into this mill factory, whatever the fuck it is. He just smashes through some wood like it's nothing. It's really silly. And while the rest of the movie is silly, this scene is not necessarily trying to do that. So it just comes off as like, Wait, what? It's played dramatically. Yeah, it's played. It's dramatically so it doesn't work. It doesn't work. It's really funny. It's just not intentionally funny. I don't like that. I don't like anything surrounding it. I just like literally a one or two shots where Meg is being cute with Nick. Naughty. That's it. She's a cute kid. She's a cute kid. Yeah, really cute. Really cute with the short hair to really could pull it off. I wonder kind of wonder what she looks like nowadays. Oh, my roommate and I looked at a photo of her now. She's pretty hot. Lovely. Is she just hot? Or is she a lovely young woman? She's like, 30s she's probably in her 30s not necessarily young. But he showed me a picture of her that I think was taken a couple of like when she was in her 20s that made me go Hmm, that would be a girl like to date. But you know, she wouldn't know if you want it. As we've established. I'm saying well, maybe if you were if you wore a hijab, and she could only see your eyes. Oh, as you know, my eyes are my only good feature. So we've talked about the things that we liked Sean. I liked and you disliked we talked about some things I talked about things I liked. And I've also talked about how much I hate Martin Short in this movie things I dislike I just gonna run through this real quick. So as we've established the veterinarian so Martin Short brings Nick vaulty to a veterinarian immediately after that amazing first 20 minutes the movie comes to an abrupt halt and this veterinarian is just daft and stupid and keeps thinking Nick naughty as a dog. Every joke he makes is in reference to him thinking Nick naughty as a dog, even though it's ambiguous if he actually thinks Nick Nolte is a dog or if you think that if he because there is an instance where he alludes to him realizing he's a person, whatever, I hate it because again, the movie is so strong before and then this is a such low ball week humor that just doesn't work. I mean, some of the jokes are kind of funny, but you're really forcing them and I just I hated that character so much every line he made so I hated that. Oh, I agree. I'm on that train that anti Harvard train Horvath whoa hard harder you think his name is Harvard? II think the dumb fuck veterinarian who can't see straight who thinks Nick naughty is a Dawson he's named who has her practice for years but has a has a sterile ready to go ready to operate examination room just just hanging out. Also, if he hasn't operated for years, why is that cop bringing the said there's a scene where a cop yeah rains his dog in to get inspected. That would mean he's practicing that contradicts it. Oh, yeah, I know. I was. He immediately contradicts himself. That's all media so a terrible scene. Because how would that cop be so honest Where and not realize the I can't speak to policing in 1989 but I would have to assume that they would at least put out on the radio. Hey, we're looking for a white male muscular build and his 30s or whatever Nick Nolte was at the time blue eyes. I just don't know how he would walk in and have no fucking idea that it could potentially be Nick naughty. But anyways, I hated both of those. I mean, you agree, right. That's that was bad. No, it was it was bad that everything with Dr. Harvard was bad. It's not Harvard. He doesn't deserve Harvard. He's like Hogarth Hogarth Harf Harford, Halford. herford. He's, he's terrible. Last thing I want to bring up that I didn't like, I'm just gonna ignore that passport seeing in the middle because I didn't care for it. But like we said, it's, it doesn't matter to anything. It's negligible. Just taking up space and time. It's fine. But what I really hate it, I really hate this. But in general, this is a trope that I vehemently hate. In this instance, it was a but the little kid character who doesn't speak I hate that trope. So fucking much every time a movie does it, for example, Logan, 99% of the time, you have a little kid who can't talk, you know what I'm out, I don't care. I you ruin that character. Because that isn't a character, that character is just whatever the point of the movie is trying to make. Is there a non existent character there? Nothing. You can't respond off of that person. There's nothing going on. I mean, listen, my roommate. He's a teacher, he teaches fourth and fifth graders. And he was able to get more from the main character. He was talking about how I characterize PTSD. And she's actually going through a lot. And you know, I understand that at the same time, this movie is not going for that kind of nuance and depth, and it doesn't have that kind of understanding. So it didn't earn the right to do that. Either. You have to if you're going to explore that topic, you have to be a different movie, because that's not what I love about the movie. I love the movie for being silly and goofing and doing silent film comedian stuff that is not Congress, is that the right word? Congress or doesn't gel with what you're not really trying to do here. You're just throwing it on top. But thankfully, she got Congress works. Yeah, but thankfully, she begins to speak later on in the movie when she actually talks. She's pretty funny. She has some really funny lines. It's just in general. She calls Martin Short mommy a couple of times, and it's just really, really well. With oak, you said the thing from the movie, you said you said the thing. Thanks, Ryan Jordan, she said thanks for your three minutes. So Nick nulty consistently calls Martin Short and asshole and you know what? I love it every time. Every time I got a giggle out of it. The thing is Nick naughty is so aggressive in this movie, constantly yelling it gets me every time I love it. But yeah, like I said, did not care for Meg until she started talking. Hated Dr. Hogarth. And those are my main things. Yeah. Now any anything else? You want to talk about? What you hate it? Oh, boy. Well, let me just pull up my notes here now man. Oh, man. Let's see anything else that I really hated. And they're stressed even though I said all those things still 8.25 fucking what this movie does well, does so fucking well. Well, here's something that kind of bothered me. It's not necessarily something I hated. But it did seem like kind of an inconsistency. I don't need to talk about the passport scene. It was so dumb. Didn't need to be there at all. Don't even let's not even start to ask why this criminal who's involved in forging documents would even think about calling the cops on this man who came to request forging documents probably not a good idea to have the cops snooping around your illegal activity. That's the least of the problem with that seen before that Martin Short after returning to from picking up his daughter asks if he should bring his duffel bag full of money to the meeting with the forger. How is how is he going to pay for his passports and his fake IDs if he doesn't bring the money or any money? And also if he's asking that question now, why did he bring the duffel bag full of money when he picked up Meg from her girls school, her special school instead of just keeping it at the veterinarian's office, and for that matter, by the way, when he's picking her up with the duffel bag in hand, she's just hanging out alone outside. This disturbed ill little girl left outside this School totally unattended no chaperone Martin Short could have been anybody any any any vagabond anybody could have just come and picked her off so you think it's Do you think the cops would have called the head said because they are driving there they call the head and said hey by the way her father is a criminal might be coming to get her Yeah, that whole that whole seven minute chunk there I was just scratching my head the whole time scratching my head I mean yeah, that that is a bit of an issue. I mean, we need to stress if you haven't figured it out already Martin shores character is an idiot he's not smart is a dope? It seems less like he's a dope and more like the person who created him. This is what you do every fucking time when I say all man the character just stupid. You go No, Sean, the screenwriters stupid the directors see no problem. The issue with it is the character makes stupid decisions that don't have negative repercussions. It's not addressed that he's doing something dumb when he does something dumb. That's the issue. There's no attention paid to it. The movie just kind of carries on and he continues to do stupid things and it doesn't hit him in the back of the head. That's the problem. Sure. It could have been stronger 8.25 Yeah, we don't do decimal points. So eight says that your final rating? eight out of 10 Well yeah, like that. Only rating now my only rating you're provided by Fine Fine. Fine the rational point structures no decimal points nine out of 10 suck my dick Okay, there's no way this movie is a nine out of 10 on your you won't give me a point two five. So you know I round it out. You can't 8.25 tell me what to do. This is my pod. Yeah, and I started I added your writing has been vetoed no you can't veto what you just did. No. This is a democracy. We all die checks and balances. Check later and I got cash. I'm gonna Kim Jong Hoon you? Okay. All right. Thanks Aaron Sorkin might I don't know I it's probably I shouldn't be comparing you to Aaron Sorkin. He's actually good at what he does. I mean, I'll take that on Aaron Sorkin the dictator thing? No, I mean, I get what you're saying. In short, that's not what you're more about Martin Short at the end of the day. Hey, is that his biological name? Short. I biological his birth name? I doubt it. Did you I get it? Is it because he's diminutive and stature? Is that why his last name is short? That's so funny. Ha ha Are you done? Is Martin Short done yet? I mean, kind of not really doing much these days? I don't think well most actors aren't doing much these days other than than recording covers in their in their mansions. You know, I'm gonna do Jani. I'm gonna figure out because most actors are starting podcasts these days. I want to figure out if Martin Short as a podcast, I don't know, messaged him on Instagram or something try and get on his podcast in order to talk about this movie. And I want to say you know my dick have a friend. Oh, sorry. Sorry. I need my ass my ass off of a co host. Is this constantly shitting on your performance and three fugitives. Martin Short. I think you did a phenomenal job. Even though the movie itself is goofy and silly. I thought you added a lot of little nuances to your performance that Jani did not appreciate. But I just want to talk about as it wasn't, I want to talk about the movie a little bit and how much Jani is a piece of shit? And then that'll be a great podcast. I don't actually get a shit ton of listeners and then I'll make a lot of money. Not you. I don't think you're getting listeners because you're on that show. I'll say foreign short. Let me let me bring my audience to all 10 people. I love you listeners. By the way. Thank you for listening. I really do appreciate it. You're all great. Thank you. Jani. Yeah, you're okay. Wow, you came in say the listeners are good. Or thank them. You just gotta say you're okay. Wow. listeners. I just want you to know where Gandhi's heart really is. does keep that in mind. They said you're okay. There's in all fairness, I haven't even told my fiance. I love her. So. Wow. And she said yes. Oh, she proposed to me. It was 2019 at the time, Sean, come on. Say it can happen. Here's the thing as we've established in the last episode, I think the only reason why Jani likes Nick Maltese character in this movie. Sorry, sorry, film. The only reason why he only likes is Nick Maltese character in this film is because he shakes a child awake, like he was probably shaken awake as a child because he's just, you know, that kind of dad was going to be that no, I was. I was I was shaking. I was shook by the way or should I was shook awake. I was shook awake whenever we were getting raided. But other than that, No my father didn't shake me only during the rates now the raids did happen a lot. What rates are you talking about? What rates are you talking about? Let's fuckin end this thing, man. Let's just end it. Final Thoughts ended final thoughts. Final thing I say you know what, Shawn, I didn't hate it as much as I thought I would hate it. There were definitely points during the runtime where I actually found myself laughing or feeling fucking fine. Even like the smallest modicum of of an emotion for the characters on screen for how annoying consistently incessantly that Martin Short was. The relationship with my daughter is that I like them. Yeah, I wonder why. They're really, really smart. By the way listeners I'm flipping him off, actually two birds now two birds one stone, the idea of his relationship to his daughter was one that struck a chord with me. I think if it were tightened a little more and performed with a little more nuance, I might have been more on board for it. But there were certain times where Martin Short in his slapstick routine even made me laugh mostly it was it's a very top heavy movie. So this was all kind of like in the bank that we're talking about. There were some more humorous moments when he kept on running into cops and that became a recurring gag throughout so good the movie where he would just run into cops like he was a magnet like he was just crack on as soon as he stepped foot out in the open. And it was it was it something funny didn't necessarily happen every single time, but I respect it. I respect the fact that they they paid attention to it. On a whole it's not the worst movie I've ever seen. Or the worst movie I've had to watch. Well, why don't compliment that's probably still bad boys. Bad Boys makes this movie look like Blues Brothers. I'll give it that. I don't know why it's called three fugitives because the little girl is technically never a fugitive. But I guess it's easier than than two fugitives or Two Men and a Baby. Yeah. And an infant is that in a very adolescent girl. The first time I watched this movie, I kept asking myself like, When is she going to murder someone? I kept asking myself, When are they going to be the third fugitive? Who's the third fugitive? And then when we got two thirds in the movie, I realized oh, wait, is the little girl supposed to be the third fugitive? Oh, okay. Does it really make sense? Yeah, I think the original title was probably a little more well suited. It was just the fugitives nature just left you to teeth neither French from being being said Canadian boy. Can you give us any other French words? pomplamoose that's all you get? me how many years are you in Canada as wanna? I was there for five and a half years? Well, actually, no, it was August to the five and seven months about and that's all you fucking got? No, I have a lot more but my spoken is just and it's also different. It's a different dialect of equality. And the kind of French you learn in Canada isn't like France, France. It's, it's different. It's a dialect listeners. I just want everyone to know I gave Jani a chance. I said Jani say some French whatever. I don't give that I don't care about the dialogue. Just say something. And he just didn't. So I think he doesn't know any. I'm not good with languages. I'm not. I'll be the first one to say it. I think they're interesting, but it's in terms of like speaking them. No, I am. I missed the mark consistently. I am great. cept that shortcoming say something great. I know that Zoe means life. See, actually hold on. Ah, you're pathetic. From from My Big Fat Greek Wedding. I know that. Mila is Apple. I think there's one that's orange. But I can't say that right now. I know more Hindi words, then you know, Creek, or what's the Hindi word for sodomy? I have no idea. But Zindagi means life. And lurky means girl and Allerca means boy. Oh, that's really sweet. Way to go. You're so sweet. You're so better than me as a person. Now I gave me because you were able to mention words. It's just the same but different gender. Can I Can we give you a metal? Do you want a metal right now? I'm waiting male to me to be adorned gold medal. You know, send it over. You know my address. That's right, folks. His address is you have it in your phone book because I saved it in my phone. Have you saved my address yet? Still haven't saved it? How many times do I have to berate you for you to put my address your contact book? I mean, you can keep doing it. I just don't. It's you know, out of sight out of mind. That's kind of what it is. I don't I don't want to have your contact because I don't want to I don't want to care. It's your final thoughts. I said, I love this movie. I gave my phone. Okay, let's get Yes. Okay, Jesus. That's a lead into my final to my film. Yeah. What's your rate rating? It's not a film totally moving. No, Shawn. I actually I thought we would do something interesting with the ratings. Now. We would switch it up a little bit. Don't even do something new. Don't you fucking dare. So I know earlier on, I said that we cannot do decimal points, but I've been giving it a lot of thought throughout this recording session. And you know what, I think it's time we try something a little bit new. I don't know if it's gonna stick around for subsequent episode. I think this time, we'll just give it a trial run and see how it goes. Man given you switch harder than Nick nulty in the middle of the film, going, Oh, hey, kids, too. I won't do anything to protect this little girl. You're like, fuck decimals to, you know, that was the only way to go in like that. So I'm gonna have to, I'm gonna have to take this movie's rating as an average between Nick multis and, and Martin shorts heights. So let me just do the math real quick on that we know that Martin Short is five foot seven, and we know that Nick nulty you couldn't have done this beforehand is six foot one. So if we've got five foot seven and six foot one, the approximate average is going to be 555 10. If you want to convert that into a decimal, that's five and 1012, five, six. Maybe you should have done it beforehand, you moron. Hey, fun fact. I didn't think of doing this until right now. Yeah, sure. So 5.83 remaining. listeners. I want you to check after the decimal point. I want you to check that fucking math. I know I'm sure he's wrong. I'm not going to do it myself because I'm bad at math. But you do check it you prove them wrong. Okay, yeah, go divide. Go divide five by six. Like I just did and tell me how wrong I am. So no more decimals. I don't know what I did. That doesn't do anything. I don't do it. Again, and I'll fucking kill you. Yeah, I probably won't do a decimal again after this. No, it just doesn't feel right. Yeah. It feels weird. backpedaling. Here's what we do. You might have heard it earlier listeners. But yeah, I and I have a verbal agreement that when we actually start making money off of this podcast, I'll get 70% of the ad revenue he gets 30% because you know, I do all the fucking work. And I bring the I bring the listeners and you absolutely don't. But the point is, what am I gonna say Jani every time you do a fucking decimal point, because I know you're going to keep on doing this and you're going to pretend you're gonna pretend that you didn't every time you do it. I'm not 100 is my mom. I will never do it another time when I hack off a percentage for you. You do it again. It's gonna be 29 it's gonna go to 28 and so on and so forth. So now you know Well, you know what the end of this you're going to be staring right down at an interface level 30% because hand to my heart. I will not do another decimal liar. Liar. Liar. All right. Yani two faced liar. As you established earlier, you're a liar. We all know you're a liar readout on your face. Worst liar. What are we watching next week? Is it Shawn? Lies class. I know the Frankie Muniz classic big fat liar. That's what I expect. Well, no. Like I was about to say before you so rudely interrupted. This one's no lie. Now that I know how much you disdain French films, I've decided we need to watch the 2007 instant classic about john Dominic Barbie, directed by Julian Schnabel, the butterfly and the diving belgorod. Sean, I think you're gonna have a real hard time with this one. I'm personally going to love it. Tell me how you feel about that one of my favorite parts of the whole thing? I've been putting off this movie for so long. It's one of those that's always on these lists of to see and I always go I have no interest, whatever. Now I have to fucking see it. Well, now you don't have a choice. Thanks for that Yani. I appreciate that. Actually, I don't appreciate that at all. Fuck you. Second thing I want to say I don't remember my second point fuck would have went off of something else you said earlier. I don't remember going to help me at all or no. Get it together, man. God. Alright, I'll do this. This whole recording just fell flat. I'm giving this one a one. Audio footnote. And I'm sure when I really listened to what Jani said I will have the same reaction that I had. And that will bring my second point in Yeah, all right, Jani. Well As usual, I hate your guts. You make terrible decisions. You have terrible views on films and movies. I hate your guts. You make terrible decisions. You have variable food found. Oh my god. Is that your impression of me or Martin Short? Is that your impression on me or Martin Short? I Jani Ponta Scotto Hi, I'm Jani Maniscalco. And I'm a really attractive good looking guy who just so happens to also be a piece. I really haven't seen yourself in the mirror. Hey, Shawn, tell me if you've heard this one before. Go look, you're sad. Oh, that's a new one. Is that your favorite Nickelback song? Okay. Yeah, he doesn't want to say anything else. So he did like the zip his mouth. So yeah, fuck you too. Bud was really lucky.