A Very Netflix Christmas: El Camino Christmas

Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas, Shawn and Merry Christmas listeners to a very Merry Netflix Christmas. The Netflix Christmas movie advent calendar at this your first episode just know Olivia's not just like this normally she just hates this movie so much I am that Oh, she like brought her down. No, you're you're usually full of life. Olivia. I'm always like this your bundle joy. Don't be discouraged. By whatever she's given off. Oh, man, I thought I was gonna burp but I didn't. Oh, um, this movie was god awful. And it made me It made me mad. And I've seen a lot of bad movies this year specifically, and this was really bad. Like, this is Dick Tracy level bad. And I keep trying to verb but it's not. It's not common. Um, so we watched El Camino Christmas today. It stars Dax Shepard. Jessica Alba, the dad in that 70s show. Vince Mar Rio? Tim Allen. This sister from Letterkenny? Yeah, dude, I almost burped again. It's common. It's common. Um. Oh, man. Get some weird throat sounds for me. Um, God, you burp. jimmy o Yang. He was also in this movie. He was great. Yeah. It's it's weird that this movie has so many actors, so many comedic actors as well. Yeah. So make comedic actors. The movie is advertised as a comedy. It looks fun and funny. And yet, it's neither of those things. It's not funny. There's only a handful of moments. It makes an attempt. It's very unsuccessful at that. But an attempt nonetheless. And then it's never fun. takes about half the movie they get to the hostage situation plot. Spoiler alert. There's a hostage situation. This man a fucking Christmas movie. And oh, man, that's a situation where throws now that the hostage situation is not really a hostage situation. It's a big old misunderstanding. It just kind of keeps on going. If you want to watch a good movie with the hostage situation. Dogs Dog Day Afternoon. Or you know Dog Day Afternoon Die Hard. You know, those are better pigs. This movie was terrible. It's not a Christmas. Maybe this is like a weird hostage drama movie that just happens to take place around Christmas. Like people die in this movie. That's a Christmas a made for TV Christmas movie. Okay, man, my stomach just keeps making these weird noises. Yeah. Made for TV Christmas movie is supposed to be heartwarming. It's supposed to be gimmicky. It's supposed to have corny jokes. It's supposed to have a weighty from the big city. Well, it's not falling in love. Not necessarily a made for TV Christmas movie. It is a Netflix Christmas movie, but not necessarily. In the vein of made for TV Christmas movies. I just don't know why this takes place at Christmas. There's no reason Exactly. Even if you make the argument like diehard is a Christmas movie die. Allen makes that makes that argument. And I totally agree. But that has more Christmas elements than this movie. This movie has nothing to do with Christmas besides a couple Christmas songs thrown on it. And that's about it. Do you want to go through the the Christmas cliches there was one I think we wrote down. Let's see hotel clerk has multiple jobs. That was our Christmas cliche. Yeah. Just like Christmas inheritance. Just like Christmas inherits the hotel clerk. And he's also so small. Such a small bird. Literally the whole purpose of this podcast why we're listeners now you know the secret to our podcasts. We don't actually care about the Christmas movies. What we care about is Olivia burping. So you can listen to Olivia's burps. It's like, it's like it's a ruse, you know, we pull you in with something you might want to hear about. And then Olivia just burps the entire time. And so they were in the at first because I added these I said to myself, I'll just start cutting it out. But that's all you're fucking doing right now. You're just like, fuck this movie. burb? burb? burb? That's all this is. That's all you're doing. So should we go over the plot of this movie, or does it even fucking matter? Because it doesn't matter. There's a sense it. I mean, like other Christmas movies, if you try and condense it, you're gonna have a tough time. Because it's just all over boys. A man comes to El Camino to find his dad, who's actually Tim Allen. And along the way he gets these like weird coincidences that causes him to be chased by police. And he ends up in a shootout at a gas station has a hostage situation and Tim Allen dies so that he can save his son. Sure, yeah. That that's if that, that's a nutshell boiling it down. Basically what it is. And I'd be remiss not to talk about Dax Shepard, because he's here to he was so cute. I did like his mustache. He's the main Yeah, he's the main reason why I wanted to watch this movie. I'm a big fan of the podcast, armchair expert. That's probably one of my top podcasts I listened to. So I'm like, okay, you know, I want to give DAX a chance. Yeah, and I don't think he did a necessarily bad job. I just think that everything around him was so weak that there was literally nothing he could do about it. You know? Like his character wasn't particularly well written. The storyline didn't really make any sense. Yeah, it wasn't just his character that wasn't written. It was the whole knocking movie. And you know, what pisses me off? that the writer, the guy who wrote this wrote this movie called St. Vincent with Bill Murray, a couple years ago, that I fucking love. I think that's a great movie, one of my favorites of that year. So it'd be like, Oh, I also did this one. It almost feels like this was the script that he wrote in college for a class that he just had in the shelf. So when someone asked, hey, do you got a project for me? And he's like, hey, Netflix, here you go. And then everyone around this movie, Netflix just gave him a big paycheck. And they were like, Oh, you know, like, I know, I'm not in love with anything going on here. Like Jessica Alba. She has nothing to do. But you know, you give me You give me some money. I'll take it. Two days of work. I'll take that money. You know, it was frustrating, and I just don't know why. I don't know why Christmas is a part of it. I really think that's misleading. This is not a Christmas movie, because it's father son bonding and drinking out. So much drinking alcohol. But I will say there were two moments that I laughed for this whole movie. I laughed twice. What were they Olivia? You just miss said my name. I mispronounced my name. My name is Olivia. I did what is it a liver. I was drinking my angry orchard. And I was kind of like swallowing it. As I was saying. And I wish to be its problem. I won't lie. I mispronounce things all the time. So thank you for pointing out an issue that I that I that I hate myself. Olivia. Thank you for just make me feel bad. And Ryan even more than after watching this movie. Well, so Olivia, I appreciate it. That's the way like, but the way that my name is pronounced is actually very important to me. So okay. Yeah, listeners. So you know, I just say Olivia's name. And she's like, oh, Sean, you pronounce it so weird. And I'm like, What did I do? Cuz like, Oh, I don't do that. Oh, yeah. Olivia, Olivia. Olivia. I don't know how else you want me to fucking pronounce it. Olivia. There's Jesus Christ. There's just something. Sometimes it just sounds like. Yeah, like, it sounds like a 1940s. Dude is saying my name. Um, so you had something you liked about this movie? What was it? two things, one of them. Two. I think it was Derek shepherd and his share of partner whatever. And he said Merry Christmas, other sheriff said shut up. That's basically what the movie was where someone said Merry Christmas and movie said, No, we're not a Christmas movie. But Christmas is in the title. And then my other laugh was when the dad from that 70s show was basically just dragging deck shepherd and was like, you know what I'd like to do I like to travel back into the past. From when my cousin met your mother and then rip his pecker. Ah, yank his pecker off before he has a chance to create an idiot. And that was great. It's kind of mean spirited, though. But you know, but it's hilarious. I mean, for the movie then earn the humor, though. I mean, it was kind of funny, but it was just like, okay, other notes I have. I absolutely hate this movie. Another note that I have, I can't wait for this movie to be over. Okay, okay. It's because we have a couple other things. As to discuss the circle versus challenge. So I think circle could take him to say him who we talking about. I'm talking about Carl, the sheriff who like creates the whole hostage situation. Oh, I mean, that guy. Of course he's going down. But circle. There's gonna be two vs. Battles call versus Tim Allen. Now, Tim Allen wins that one for sure. Tim Allen shot a guy in the leg cuz he was in the military. Yeah. Tim and the movie, not in real life. Yeah. And then circle vs. Dax Shepard. I think that's a draw. Because I think Dax Shepard is so incompetent at being a sheriff's deputy. You know, you're not wrong. I really want to DAX. I love you. I love you so much. I want to give it to you. I hate circle so fucking much. He's so dumb. But your character is also so you know, I would still give it to him only or Shepherd Dax Shepard. Only on the technicality that that Shepherd has a gun in circle. A sword which as mentioned previously, he couldn't kill a skunk with he couldn't kill this. So he was trying to kill a skunk. And he was like hunting it and stuff. But then Vanessa Hudgens made him stop. Like she's scared off this this guy before he's gonna kill it. I barely remember. I just remember he's trying to kill skunk. And he didn't. Sean Is this what it felt like after you watched the night before Christmas? It how you're feeling right now, Olivia is how I am going to feel with watching the majority of these movies. I don't know if I said this before. But Olivia watching this movie was just like, dead silent the whole time. And normally, we have a nice rapport. So for her to be like stone cold dead. You knew there was a problem. And I'm like, geez, man, I don't want I don't want you to be having a bad time while watching this. And at first, she was like, let's turn this off. And I'm like, but it does fit within the parameters of our podcast. And then she kind of just continued to watch it despite me and made me feel bad. enough so you made me feel bad first. Okay, I didn't want you to feel bad. I didn't we were we were 20 minutes and and I was like, Shawn, we can't we can't watch this. This is awful. This is not a Christmas movie. And Shawn was like, Okay, let's pause and then Sean's like, Olivia, we need to watch it because it's the podcast is Netflix Christmas. If we kick this, like when also we're gonna watch. And then I was like, well, we could do like fucking Christmas cookies or even die hard. Like just throw a die hard in there. You know who cares? We make the rules. But now cinnamon kept watching. And then I use a Christmas cookies. You did not throw Die Hard in the neck equation. I was a die hard. In a second. Olivia. You can't just throw Die Hard after the fucking fact. Olivia so so it was during the movie. I was like, I should have said that we could have we could have been diehard. You could have said that at any point. And I want to turn it off right away. Well, it was it was so bad. And I like even with bad movies. I tried to like engage with them. But with this, I just like it was putting me in a bad mood. It was taking something that I loved and like shitting all over it. And I'm not gonna lie. I took out my Nintendo Switch and I started playing Super Mario Sunshine. Yeah, she wasn't paying attention. Here's how all describe this movie. Sorry, I had to pause for a burp. It happens to the best of us, Sean. Yeah. So I would describe this movie as the TV show justified. meats, Die Hard, combines them and says we're gonna do a seven season procedural episode of a TNT drama. So basically, that's the framework you got. So you got it wants to be to better things, but really is you know, the thing that your grandparent puts on TV just to be like, Okay, this is on TV. And no one really cares. It just exists in an ether. So I hated this movie. And I know that you're probably going to hate a lot of the Christmas movies that we're going to watch. But at least there's shit to talk about. Yeah, that's entertaining. There's like random like random Christmas magic shit. This movie was nothing. There was so much of people just sitting and waiting in the hostage situation. We spent so much time just literally doing nothing which in Dog Day Afternoon, it's very different where like they have they spend a lot of time with the hostages in the hostage situation, but like there's dialogue going on. Like people are talking, it's actually interesting to listen to them talk, whereas this was just so boring. I mean, I think what feels striking to me is that this movie feels doll and it feels like nobody involved really cared. I mean, I'm sure they cared to a degree they signed on to it, but at the same time, no one involved it just it wasn't a project that lined up with anything that anyone did before. And because this was early on in Netflix's movie canon I feel pretty confident saying they probably just threw all these people a lot of money and said, Hey, make this movie for us. And you know, you scratch my back you scratch you know? So yeah, and it's just it sucks because like one of my favorite things to think about is like the Christmas cliches and like the random like the why we got the one by the magic of Christmas to at the end Yeah, we did have the magic of Christmas because this the little kid who never like spoke he did say something he started out and because earlier on snow, the snow cast it the weatherman says snow. Yeah, the snow caster says oh man, as it snowed here like 40 years never gonna snow here at El Camino. And then all of a sudden starts snowing. Christmas magic Christmas miracle Christmas. Right after Tim out here shot to death to death was totally unnecessary. By the way he did not need to do that. He didn't he did not. He did not need to die. I think like the movie. It wasn't interesting, but I didn't like actively hate it until the hostage situation started up and then I was like, this is just a fucking misunderstanding gone horribly wrong. And like this could easily be fixed. And it just never was just like the script. Horrible missing. Horrible misunderstanding that could have easily been fixed and just no one tried. I feel bad because like, I just hated it. I love via look at look at look at it this way. We're watching princess switch tomorrow. You're gonna love it. I'm so excited for the princess switch. Oh my gosh. Yeah, I mean, it's not my favorite Vanessa Hudgens Christmas movie. And they're like some parts where it's like a little boring. But yeah, so I just have to look forward. I guess I have that to look forward to. I won't say that, that though, that this movie was at least the most in line with what I'm looking for in a movie. Compared to all the others. No. Absolutely not. I this this movie just made me so so sad. I think if they like if it didn't turn into a hostage situation and if like, I actually don't know what would make this movie better besides just like take away the whole hostage situation thing. But then I don't know what you'd put in place but because like nothing happened. It'd be a different movie. I mean, just to make it better just make a different movie. That's about it. A different movie. I'd love to see Dec shepherd and like a Christmas movies like him and Kristen Bell and like a made for TV. Christmas romance. I think that'd be so cute. That'd be pretty great. pretty great. I watched that. I think he could totally do like small town like do like small town sheriff's deputy who's also a hotel clerk like he was in this movie. And she's a girl from the big city. Like big corporation is coming in to like, I don't know, build a big ass factory that are something does the trope or does the cliche still apply? Because Jessica Alba at the end goes to a big city, Austin, Texas. No. Okay. I know his region. I try and guys, I was trying but I really need Dec Shepard and Kristen Bell in a major TV Christmas romance where he is the sheriff's deputy and hotel clerk. And she's a girl from the big city for a big corporation coming in to try to take down this small town. And then within like three or four days, she learns the magic of Christmas and they fall in love and they get engaged. You heard it here, Dax Shepard and Kristen Bell if you are listening this podcast, please do that. In a reminder, I need to stress we still both. Both of us still love you very much. We just don't like this movie. I know you take these, personally, DAX because I listen to your podcast and love it. I don't want you to feel bad. I don't want you to feel bad, bro. I want you to feel good. I want to give you the Christmas magic. Okay, I want to give you the Christmas spirit. What about Dax Shepard is secretly a member of the royal family of jacoco via which I kind of stole from Princess Diaries kind of. and Kristen Bell is a reporter from the big city and she's been like kind of following his trail and then they he Like, he's trying to discover himself, and because he finds out that he's adopted and so he's going to this small town and she finds him there. But she doesn't know that he's the prince. But we know that he's the prince but and, you know, like that, is that something? I mean, I just feel like if anyone's going to be the royalty in that couple, it's going to be Kristen Bell because he's the guy. He's the small guy from the like the small town guy going to the world. So now she's she's a princess trying to escape her betrayal. She's literally she hides. She hides in a small town where Dax Shepard is the sheriff's deputy slash hotel clerk. And they start to like, you know, get together and stuff but he's got trauma because he dated a girl from the big city before. And she ended things with him when the song Jingle Bells was playing. And so anytime Jingle Bells plays he has drama. You see what you see? Right? Yeah, no, I see where you go. or what have Kristen Bell is a princess from the 1300s and is magically transported into the future in a small town where Dec Shepard is a sheriff's deputy slash hotel clerk. And together my god yes. Yeah, continue continue. I want to hear Okay, so she's a time traveling princess because she's trying to escape like, I don't know, a fucking dragon or something. But she's also trying to like or maybe like she's going to get married. She's gonna get married to serve this. Okay, this is the night before Christmas to because circle had a friend. Remember, you had a friend who stayed in the past. So what if he was going to get married to Kristen Bell, who's a princess. She's like, I don't want to do this in the old crown shows up and she's like, Oh, I wonder if I can send you into the future. And so she ends up in El Camino where Dax Shepard was a sheriff deputy slash hotel clerk. But maybe he won the local election. So he's the sheriff, not the sheriff deputy. But he still works at the hotel sometimes. And so she just popped out of nowhere. And like, he's the like, head of the local law enforcement. So he has to like help her kind of figure things out. And then like, it's kind of like a little mermaid situation where like, she has to stay if she gets someone to like, fall in love with her. But then like, you know, maybe she go, would she go back to the past, but then come back to the future. I don't know. I think I figured out that all sounds fantastic. My one note is that there's only one my one single note is that I still want Dax Shepard to be the hotel clerk sheriff's deputy. But I don't think it can be an El Camino. I want to move that, you know, up north somewhere. I want some snow I want, you know, more traditional atmosphere. And also I just don't want to I want something. I want him to play someone more competent. Okay. He could be like a sheriff. And like a small Montana town. Okay, yeah, I'm down for that. So what we're doing that's what we're doing. So you know, we got to have a Christmas baking scene. So maybe there's like some sort of like special like a special peach cobbler. I know peaches are like more like a Georgia, Florida like Southern thing. But what if like, you know, they have like a special peach or like apple cobbler and like they have a local baking thing. And then like Santa Claus is there and the old crone is disguised as Mrs. Claus. Because it's the night before Christmas too. But it's princess so it's the the princess switch. What if? What if because, you know, Vanessa Hudgens is a princess and the princess which one of Kristen Bell switches places. I don't know. I haven't seen the movie yet. So good. So good. But I think no, we have to send it to the future and it'd be called a night before El Camino Christmas. Christmas. What's right now? It's gonna be a night before El Camino princess which Christmas. Exactly. Yeah. So I think we got a winner on our hands. And I really think we could because I would just hire us right now. Or at least hire right now. Hire Olivia to write the script. And then give us give us the Netflix money that you gave all these actors. Thank you for that. burpple Olivia. You're welcome. Yeah. You want to give a rating. So this movie, zero out of 10 Wow. I'm gonna give it a 555 maybe a 4.5? No. Okay, no, no, no, let me be very clear with Olivia. As much as you hate this movie. It is better than the majority of the so Olivia has a Europa Chino alpa Chino podcast and I Frequently guessed on it and she gives me all the shitty ass alpa Chino movies all the worst of the worst all the ones you haven't heard of, because they're so bad, which I still have to watch them. I know you still have to go watch them going but I'm going through with you My point is that this movie as bad as it is, is still better than about half the ones we watched together know this better than you putting giggly above this so it's not better than half the ones that we watched did this movie make me cry? Because it was so offensive like the movie g Lee did? No. So obviously this one is better than Really? However, I think I'd rather watch Chinese coffee because to do something No, I hate I hate Chinese coffee. I hate it so much. Fuck that movie. Fuck Chinese coffee fuck people I know fuck you know whatever else we watched. I'd rather watch alpa Chino get an endoscopy. I'd rather watch alpa Chino get a camera shoved up his penis, like in the movie people I know. Then watch this movie again. people I know. And Chinese coffee are literally two of the worst things I've seen this year. It is so incredibly hard to get worse than those movies that I would put Christmas inheritance Christmas motherfucking inheritance above them so yeah, I know that's that's obvious. Yeah. Oh my god. I love you. Well, you know Potato Potato To each their own. I mean, I don't I don't either. I rated this pretty well. I think it's pretty clear. I don't I'm not in love with this movie. I just it's a scale of hatred. And thing is this movie bored me more than made me hate it. Were those other movies. I just straight up hated so that's kind of the difference. No, I just straight up paid. I straight up hated this movie. All right, I love Yeah. All right. Well, Merry Christmas to you. I was about to birth but it went away. So yeah. Merry Christmas. 23 sleeps till Christmas. Yeah. All right. I was 22 is 22 sleeps till Christmas. Haha. I got my numbers mixed up. But at least tomorrow we get to watch a princess switch. Looking for that cannot wait. Whoo.